How to Achieve People Skills
How to achieve
people skills? What an interesting question. I never
really directly thought much about it until my new boss opened
the doors of curiosity toward this essentially important
area of human interaction. At an initial meeting of the minds
we were in the beginning stages of developing a new program
to teach kids, well basically, how to achieve people
skills. The program is called Boost Kids and as
my boss began to reveal the philosophy, insight, and motivation
behind his drive to create the program, the importance of
people skills began to emerge with greater clarity. I had
always known that people skills were an important part of
positively presenting yourself and respecting others. However,
I knew this in more of an indirect societal norm type way,
not in the essentially important and directly relevant way
my boss was now describing them to me. As I sat and listened
it became ever more clear that having good people skills
in life can make a huge difference in building self-confidence
and developing stronger relationships. This is especially
true with kids who are growing and encountering new social
situations that can be unfamiliar and challenging.
As a father, my boss saw his son struggling
with self-confidence in social situations and he naturally
felt the need to 
address the issue. “As a parent the most
important thing you want for your kids is for them to be
self-confident and respectful.” This conviction led him
on a journey to develop a program that could help teach
his son people skills. When he could not find one that
fit the bill he set out to create a program not only to
help his kids, but kids everywhere. He knew as a businessman
and as an adult that good people skills not only build
self-confidence in social situations, but can also make
the difference in terms of success and satisfaction in
life. “At some point in life you will be competing against
people with a similar educational level. You could have
a high school diploma, a college degree, or a masters and
what makes the difference in terms of success at these
different levels? People Skills!” He concluded. The ability
to present your self in a positive light, deal with people
in various social situations, and at the same time value
the presence of another person is crucial.
As I left his office on that first day
my perspective had changed, or rather matured, and after
accessing some of the experiences in my own life, people
skills took on a whole new meaning in my mind. This led
me to three questions I felt we needed to answer as we
moved forward in our development of Boost Kids. What are
people skills? Why are people skills important for kids,
especially today? How can kids achieve good people skills?
The first question was, “what are people
skills?” Well, if you looked up both words in Webster’s
old book you might come up with a definition something
like this:
People Skills: The ability
to use one’s knowledge efficiently and readily in the effecting
of positive interactions with other human beings; both
individual and group interactions.
It sounds pretty technical but really it is just the
ability to interact with, deal with, and positively encounter our fellow
human beings. It is the ability to extend your self to others and relate
on a common level. The use of genuine people skills expresses interest
in and concern for another person and values the interaction between two
individuals or a group. For kids (and even adults), it is a great way
to build self-confidence socially, and to help break down the youthful
wall of tension that can exist when they are interacting socially with
another person.
We can all picture and relate to the situation. A child
sees a fellow classmate with their parents at the movies and he or she
quickly tries to avoid the situation. The child moves closer to their
parent in an effort to hurry them along into the theatre, a convenient
haven from the impending social interaction. As the child is pushing the
parent along the parent notices the child’s classmate and parents. The
child’s parent abruptly moves towards the classmate’s parents to say “hello”.
The interaction is not long. Both parties are moving along to their movie,
but during the interaction the child is very shy, avoids all eye contact,
and must be nudged by his or her parent to speak up and say “hello”.
Now imagine we try the situation again and this time
the child will be schooled in a few basic people skills. As the child
notices the classmate entering the theatre they quickly tell their parent,
“I see one of the kids in my class. I’ll be right back”. The parent then
notices the classmate and their parents and follows behind slowly. The
child walks right up to the classmate and says “Hello, Mike” or “Hello,
Samantha”, shakes his or her hand, making eye contact, and asks, “What
movie are you going to see?” The child then begins to say “Hello” to the
classmate’s parents and by this time the child’s parent has caught up.
The interaction lasts for another minute and then concludes with polite
good byes and an “enjoy the movie”. People skills and the confidence to
use them can make a pretty big difference, as seen in these two scenarios.
Is the second scenario a pipe dream? Not necessarily, kids just need to
know what to do. These situations can be nerve-racking for them. “I don’t
know what to say”, “How long should I talk?”, “ I don’t know if I can
do it?” This leads back to our original question of how to achieve
people skills, but before we take it up we need to focus on our
second question to continue to lay the groundwork.
Why are people skills important for kids, especially
today? Part of the answer is as common as when you were growing up. People
skills help kids communicate better with teachers, make friends, build
self-confidence, and develop the ability to relate to, deal with, value,
and interact with people. Developing these skills will positively impact
kids lives in the present and, as importantly, in the future. As my boss
mentioned earlier, people skills can make a significant difference when
it comes to our careers later in life.
The other part of the answer to our “Why” question is
especially relevant for kids today. With technological devices increasingly
controlling the after school time hours of many kids today opportunities
for social interaction are decreasing. The face-to-face interactions where
kids develop the skills to interact with each other are at premium. A
child can entertain himself or herself for an entire evening without ever
directly interacting with another person. They can email a classmate,
text message a friend, play video games, download music, and surf the
web for hours with no social interaction. With the forum for kids to socially
interact becoming increasingly smaller people skills are losing their
priority. However, they are not losing their importance and so a re-emphasis
on people skills with kids today and in general is greatly needed. People
skills are the avenue through which human interaction begins to take place
and this is the essence of what we should be doing as adults and teaching
our kids; to value, respect, engage, and develop meaningful relationships
with the people we encounter.
All right, so with all this jargon from above, how do
we get things running on the ground? How do we answer our question of how
to achieve people skills? Well, there are a couple of points
that are very important to help kids learn how to achieve people
skills. One simple strategy is to directly emphasize the importance
of people skills. Talk to kids about how essential they are in life. “It
will help you make friends, build confidence, present your self in a positive
way, and develop the social skills necessary for success later in life”.
This emphasis is very important so that kids understand how people skills
can impact and improve their lives.
Social Strategy
- Be first to say “hello” to break the ice
- Try and use the person’s name in the greeting if you know it and if you don’t know it, ask, and then remember (it) for the next time
- Give a firm handshake, smile, and make eye contact
- Stand Tall and Speak Clearly
- After greeting the person ask a few questions to see how they are doing and to get the conversation going.
- It’s OK to end the conversation just do it politely. “It was really good seeing you, take care”.
Giving kids a specific set of skills to rely upon will
help them feel more comfortable in the social situations they encounter.
The skills acquired will help them feel better prepared to engage others
socially. Confidence building only takes place through experience so kids
will need to be initially encouraged and reminded to use the people skills
they have learned so they can gain experience and increase their confidence.
Be on the lookout for opportunities for kids to socially interact with
other kids or adults and encourage them to use the people skills you are
emphasizing with them. Whether you are at the movies, grocery store, or
school it will be great practice for the kids.
Since that first day in my boss’s office our Boost Kids program has been fully developed and extended to parents and kids throughout the United States. Since that first day my knowledge and understanding of the importance of people skills, especially with kids today, has greatly expanded from those three questions I asked myself on that initial day. I hope this report will help you achieve some of the same benefits.
How BoostKids Can Help:
BoostKids is a program that can help increase a child’s confidence by teaching social skills to children and building their character. BoostKids has been and is currently being taught in schools, non-profit organizations, and after-school programs. The program is now available as an at-home training program for children and their parents. The key training tool of the BoostKids program is an interactive CD-ROM that shows kids the right-way and the wrong-way to handle social situations. They learn from real kid actors in real-life scenerios!
For more information about what’s included in BoostKids, click here.
ORDER NOW - Free 30-day Trial, click here.
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By Charlie Copp - Executive Director of Boost Kids
About the author: Charlie Copp is the executive director for BOOST KIDS, an interactive CD ROM-based program for kids ages six and up, that teaching children social skills and strong character across the nation. His work with BOOST KIDS confirms what Copp has always believed: that kids and teens are hungry for character-building life skills, and with them gain the confidence needed to succeed in the classroom, on the playing field, in their interpersonal relationships, and on the job.
