Building Self Esteem and Confidence in Children in Today's Society
Building self
esteem and confidence in children is a task very
close to the heart of every parent and in today’s society
that task is becoming increasingly difficult. The expanding
influence of Technology and the Media have become contributing
factors to an atmosphere not as conducive for building
self esteem and confidence in children at the same
level as in years past. This results in young people lacking
or under developing the confidence and self-assuredness they
need to enter into social situations, exhibit the character
necessary for overcoming challenges in life, and have a healthy
self-esteem. All the gadgets, media messages, and societal
pressures kids are receiving have only isolated or frustrated
kids in new and counter productive ways. Below we will take
a closer look at both of these societal changes and the affect
they have on building self esteem and confidence
in children today.
Technological Advances
Technology in our modern society continues to advance
by leaps and bounds. Everyday there seems to be a new
and faster computer, ever growing multifaceted cell phones,
increasingly realistic video games, and a centuries worth of music that
fits into your pocket. For kids today these devices have become the
center point of entertainment. The once coveted walk around the neighborhood,
backyard Super Bowl, and after school social gathering has been replaced
by hours of video games, music downloading, and surfing the net. A child
today has the ability to entertain them selves for an entire evening
or even weekend without having to socially interact with another kid.
The result is that kids are not developing
the people skills needed to confidently function socially
as much as in years past. This lack in confidence and exposure
socially can be addressed by making people skills more
of a priority. Come up with the basic people skills you
feel are most important or seek out materials that cover
these skills and review them with your child. It does not
have to be in a formal session but could be something to
mention in the car or at dinner. It is also important to
encourage your child to initiate being more social such
as having friends over or greeting people confidently when
they see someone they know. For instance, whenever you
are in a social encounter with a friend, co-worker, or
anybody make sure to include your child in the interaction.
This helps them gain valuable experience and gives them
an opportunity to build their confidence socially. These
measures might seem insignificant but they go a long way
toward developing your child’s people skills, giving them
the knowledge and experience they need to build their self-esteem
and confidence.
Media Pressures
The Media is also a forum that has been advancing with
great strength and has exhibited a high level of influence
in our society. The concept of Media here refers to television,
movies, the internet, magazines, newspapers, advertisements, and other
forms of mass information. The impact these Media outlets can have on
young people can be stifling and can complicate the process for parents
in building
self esteem and confidence in their children.
One specific example we will discuss is body image and
the impact the Media can have on young people. Kids are constantly bombarded
with images of tall, skinny, atypical models or actors on television,
in the movies, in magazines, and in advertisements. They see this image
portrayed as “cool” or “the only way to be”. Then, as we all do, young
people will 
compare them selves to these individuals. This process can
make kids feel they must attain this “look” to gain acceptance in our
society. In reality the percentage of people with these types of body
characteristics are extremely low, yet kids feel pressure to look this
way and when they are unable to attain this look it can negatively affect
their self-esteem. This is why it is important to address these issues
with young people and help them develop a less superficial set of criteria
by which they see them selves. Look at various advertisements, for example,
and discuss the image it is trying to portray. Explain to your child that
most people do not look like models and it is more important to be a good
person then to look a certain way. Help them build their self-esteem and
confidence based on things they can control: how they treat others, accomplishing
a task, being responsible, and having a good attitude. Emphasize these
characteristics and other similar traits as unequivocally more important
then the image the television, movies, and advertisements try to portray.
This is only one example of the pressure certain media
outlets can have on our young people. Other themes in the
Media, such as materialism, can also influence young people
into thinking they need to base how they feel about themselves on certain
clothes, shoes, cars, and other possessions. As we know as adults, these
material things do not make up who we are as people. They will always
fade away, get old, and be replaced. The same emphasis from body image
is in important with addressing materialism as an insufficient mode for
building self-esteem. Being a good person, respecting others, helping
others, accomplishing tasks, being responsible, having a good attitude,
and never quitting are the lasting characteristics that develop a positive
self-esteem. These traits should be emphasized to contradict the materialistic
messages young people are receiving from numerous media outlets. This
emphasis will help parents in the process of building self esteem
and confidence in their children.
In conclusion, the two societal factors we have discussed
here are just a few of many that can under develop young
people socially and put unhealthy pressure on them. Increased
academic and athletic pressures could also be included in this area. As
kids are becoming measured based exclusively on ambiguous test scores,
wins and losses, and their physical appearance or are lacking in experience
and confidence socially, it is time for a re-emphasis on the traits kids
need for building the self-esteem and confidence necessary for life. Socially,
help them focus on the importance of people skills and
give them numerous opportunities of gaining this valuable experience.
Have them pay for things at the grocery store or lead the conversation
at the bank along with some of the suggestions we discussed earlier. This
is a great way to build their confidence. With self-esteem, encourage
young people to focus on the things they can control, as mentioned above.
Also help them understand that the efforts they put into being a good
person or doing well academically or athletically are not worthless if
people do not respond positively to them or they do not get the grade
or the win they wanted. Simply, through the process of being respectful,
studying for a test, or training for an event young people are developing
characteristics they can be proud of, it just needs to brought to their
attention Societies criteria might not be met, but you can help them set
a new criteria of giving full effort and being proud of the respectfulness,
resilience, and perseverance they display each day. This approach will
help parents in building
self esteem and confidence in children even if they lost the
game, got a “B” on a test, or do not look like the models in advertisements.
How BoostKids Can Help:
BoostKids is a program that can help increase a child’s confidence by teaching social skills to children and building their character. BoostKids has been and is currently being taught in schools, non-profit organizations, and after-school programs. The program is now available as an at-home training program for children and their parents. The key training tool of the BoostKids program is an interactive CD-ROM that shows kids the right-way and the wrong-way to handle social situations. They learn from real kid actors in real-life scenerios!
For more information about what’s included in BoostKids, click here.
ORDER NOW - Free 30-day Trial, click here.
By Charlie Copp - Executive Director of Boost Kids
About the author: Charlie Copp is the executive director for BOOST KIDS, an interactive CD ROM-based program for kids ages six and up, that teaching children social skills and strong character across the nation. His work with BOOST KIDS confirms what Copp has always believed: that kids and teens are hungry for character-building life skills, and with them gain the confidence needed to succeed in the classroom, on the playing field, in their interpersonal relationships, and on the job.
