What Makes Kids Confident and How Can Parents Help?
Ask any parent what
they want most for their children and self-confidence will
be at the top of the list. Qualities such as academic or
athletic success are notable characteristics that most parents
appreciate their children having, but above all, parents
know that self-confidence is the most important trait that
their child can poses. Without self-confidence it is harder
for children to accomplish goals, resist peer pressure, or
deal with adversity. Confidence in oneself is extremely important
and parents understand it may hold the key to a child’s happiness
and career success.
What Makes Kids Confident?
Certainly love and affection by parents,
guardians and other family members plays a vital role in
the development of a child. Love and affection can serve
children as foundation or base from which their confidence
can grow. It makes it much harder for children to have
confidence without this foundation. As a child grows though,
they begin to encounter social situations in which their
self-confidence will be tested. Will the love and affection
they receive at home sustain their self-confidence in school
and society at large? In most cases the answer is “No”;
Love and affection is not enough. Love and affection may
help a child attain a certain level of confidence, but
to strive ahead and become successful in their interpersonal
relationships and careers, kids need additional skills
and techniques to aid them in challenging social situations
where they are not comfortable. There are two important
categories of skills/traits kids need to become confident
that are many times overlooked in our fast paced and complex
society. Without both these skills/traits it is impossible
for children to reach their peak level of confidence and
success.
Confident Kids Have People Skills
People Skills are basic techniques that many of us take for granted. The ability to greet people properly, look them in the eye, and use a firm handshake are basic people skills we all need. The ability to listen and ask questions are components children can learn to become more successful. There have been studies that show People Skills account for about 75% of an individual’s career success versus 25% for technical knowledge. We should not diminish the importance of learning to read and do basic math in academic settings, yet when such a high percent of career success is based upon People Skills, clearly we need to place a greater emphasis on these skills with our children.
Confident Kids Develop Their Character
Character Development deals with developing a child’s personal integrity and internal compass of acceptable behavior. Honesty, resisting peer pressure, respecting others are examples that fall into Character Development. Some children may appear supremely confident, but not have strong character to resist temptation and peer pressure. Not having strong character will end up limiting the depth of their interpersonal relationship and potentially affect their career success.
It is through development of People Skills
and Character Development that a child’s self-confidence
is built in the real world whether at school or with friends.
These skills will be the key to sustaining that confidence
in their future careers and interpersonal relationships.
The more knowledgeable and equipped a child is in dealing
with other people, the more confident they can be in those
situations. However, today’s children seem to be less knowledgeable
in these important areas, then kids in years past.
Why are People Skills and Character Development Skills Declining with Today's Youth?
There are many reasons for the steady decline of People
Skills and Character Development skills in today’s kids. Many of these
reasons, make it harder on parents to instill these important characteristics
in their children. Here are a few contributing factors:
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Technology: Technological advances have provided kids with devices that increasingly isolate them from each other and decrease social interaction. With the growth of emailing, text messaging, cell phones and video games, kids today have fewer opportunities for social interactions than in years past. Unfortunately this has caused kids to lose the ability to develop important People Skills. |
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Pop Culture: Whether it is cartoons, movies, or music videos disrespectfulness, defiance, and rejection of common courtesy gestures have become the mainstream. Today’s generation is growing up in a world of ESPN highlights and American Idol where it is acceptable to be rude and self-promoting. |
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Academic Emphasis: With increased pressure on schools by the standardized testing regulations, most school programs dedicated to developing People Skills and Character Development are simply not the priority. No Child Left Behind means well to force American schools to advance children in basic skills such as math and science, but at the same time has also caused schools to not have the time to teach People Skills and Develop Character as in years past. |
What Can Parents Do to Help?
There are three big things parents can do to help their
children develop People Skills and Build Character:
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Emphasize These Skills on a Daily Basis With Your Kids
Emphasizing the importance of these skills to your children is the biggest key. Parents, be aware of opportunities to stress these skills on a daily basis. When your child is interacting with another person emphasize the importance of people skills to them before and after the interaction. For example when greeting someone with them make sure to point out the eye contact and the use of a firm handshake. This will help your child remember to use People Skills when they are in different social situations and also make them familiar with using them.
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Be a Good Role-Model When It Comes to These Skills
An effective way parents can emphasize People Skills and Character Development is to be a good role model for their children. You may not think they notice how you handle certain situations, but all kids notice how their parents conduct themselves in various circumstances. If you don’t show patience with the clerk at the checkout line in a grocery store, how can you expect your child to show patience with younger siblings? This emphasis will make a huge difference. It will teach your child about these types of skills and also show them real life applications.
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Introduce a Third Party or Independent Voice to Help
Another important ingredient to help parents emphasize the importance people skills and character development is to introduce a third party or an independent voice. Look for materials that help teach children about People Skills and Character Development. Kids, particularly teenagers, can tune out adults and by having a third party source it can help take the pressure from the parent and the natural resistance of a teenager rebelling from a parent. It will not only reinforce what you are teaching them but also give them a chance to learn these key skills on their own. So seek out materials that cover the skills you want to emphasize most with your children.
In today’s fast paced competitive world, kids are not
learning People Skills and Character Development the way they did in years
past. This is leading us to a generation of children that may not have
the skills to cope with adversity, challenges and competition needed to
feel good about themselves and to advance their careers. We don’t hesitate
to provide our kids with tutoring, private lessons, specialized instructors
or other tools they need to achieve their academic, athletic or artistic
potential. Our kids deserve equal access to the tools that can help them
achieve the highest level of confidence. By teaching kids People Skills
and Character Development they will stand a much greater chance to grow
into adults who respect and are respected by others, who set and accomplish
goals and are comfortable with themselves.
How BoostKids Can Help:
BoostKids is a program that can help increase a child’s confidence by teaching social skills to children and building their character. BoostKids has been and is currently being taught in schools, non-profit organizations, and after-school programs. The program is now available as an at-home training program for children and their parents. The key training tool of the BoostKids program is an interactive CD-ROM that shows kids the right-way and the wrong-way to handle social situations. They learn from real kid actors in real-life scenerios!
For more information about what’s included in BoostKids, click here.
ORDER NOW - Free 30-day Trial, click here.
By Rob Heller, President of Boost Kids and Charlie Copp, Director of Boost Kids
As seen in the July 2006 edition of Coastal Family Magazine
Click here to view the article on coastalfamily.com
