The Case For Teaching Kids Social Skills: Why Today's Kids Need Them
Parents take pride in
their children’s academic and athletic accomplishments, and
rightfully so. Setting goals, and working to achieve them
despite challenges or setbacks, are vital life skills with
applications extending well beyond the classroom and playing
field. From childhood on, we use these and other essential
“social skills,” to relate with others, strengthen our interpersonal
relationships, enhance our workplace performance, heighten
our impact on others, and more. While academic prowess and
athletic excellence are to be applauded, they shine most
brightly when we properly combine it with teaching
children social skills.
Job recruiters, for example, look for
candidates who bring more then job-related skills. Ideal
candidates demonstrate job-related and social skills: they
make eye contact, shake hands firmly, introduce themselves
with a smile, speak clearly, ask questions, and convey
interest. In the workplace, social skills are valued as
highly as technical or other job-specific knowledge. Successful
business leaders use social skills to motivate employees,
inspire loyalty, connect with board members and shareholders,
and encourage investor confidence.
Interpersonal relationships thrive on
social skills, too. Adults use social skills when they
meet new people and interact with friends, and to cement
emotional bonds with family members. Kids use social skills
to help achieve goals in every area of their lives, too.
In the process of teaching children
social skills, they
gain confidence in their ability to handle the choices
and challenges they will face as adolescents, teenagers,
and young adults.
How do today’s kids stack up?
Are kids today learning the vital people
skills they’ll need to successfully navigate through life?
Have simple things like a genuine “hello”, a smile while
greeting someone, asking questions that express interest,
(and listening to the responses), using “telephone manners,”
and treating others with respect gotten lost in the blur
of our increasingly fast-paced lifestyle? In my opinion,
the answer is “yes,” and it’s easy to understand why.
For one, “kid life” today is focused more on technology
and less on social interaction. Video games, cell phones, palm-sized music
libraries and laptops let kids entertain themselves, text message their
friends, listen to music, and email their grandparents, without seeing,
or speaking with, anyone. Under increasing pressure to meet standardized
testing requirements, schools are more inclined to fund programs designed
to improve test scores, than those designed for teaching children
social skills. In-school opportunities for socialization are
shrinking along with recess and phys-ed requirements. With many students
devoting after-school hours to private lessons and tutoring, time to socialize
and explore other interests is at a premium.
Social factors like these have de-emphasized the importance
of teaching children social skills and decreased chances
for kids to learn and practice them. Yet teaching and reinforcing these
principles is vitally important, and can make a huge difference in the
life of a child, (and the adult he or she will become).
Through my work teaching children social skills,
I have seen the transformation that takes place when they master these
important life lessons. As they apply newly learned social skills to everyday
life situations, they grow more self-assured, and carry themselves with
greater confidence. They make eye contact and initiate conversation more
readily, are less intimidated when entering unfamiliar social situations,
and are more likely to show respect for ideas or feelings that differ
from their own. This self-assuredness makes a difference at home and
in the classroom, where teachers and parents report improvements in behavior
and attitude.
After helping kids learn and practice essential social
skills, I ask them to evaluate the result of applying them to their own
lives. Did using social skills make a difference, and if so, how? “Using
social skills helped me make friends,” and, “I know how to stand up for
myself now,” are among the many and varied positive responses I’ve received.
Similar feedback from the kids I’ve worked with reinforces the fundamental
purpose of teaching children social skills: giving kids
the understanding and awareness they need to confidently enter any social
situation.
How Parents Can Make a Difference
Clearly, social skills do make a difference,
and not emphasizing them to our kids does them a disservice. What can
parents do to help their kids understand, value and use essential social
skills? Step one: make it a priority to re-emphasize their importance.
The tips that follow can help.
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Demonstrate the value of social skills by using them yourself. For example, be sure to greet your daughter’s softball coach and other parents on the first day of practice. Later, after she tells you all about practice, tell her that you got in some good “social skills” practice, too: you remembered to make eye contact, said “hello” first, mentioned the other person’s name, shook hands firmly, etc. Showing your daughter what you did, and telling her why you did it, encourages her to do the same.
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When you run into a friends or acquaintances, be sure to introduce them to your child. It’s a chance for him to practice meeting and greeting new people, and a chance for you to demonstrate conversation skills like asking questions, and active listening. Later, explain that asking questions helps you get to know the other person better, and listening without interrupting shows that you’re interested in what’s being said.
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Saying “Thank You” is another important social skill. A great way to emphasize and practice saying “Thank You” with your kids is to have a contest. Whether it is a day, a week, or a month set a timetable and write down everything you do for your kids. It could be doing laundry, cooking a meal, picking them up from school, etc., etc. Then write down if they said “Thank You” for each of the things you did for them. Decide on a percentage they must achieve to win the contest and at the end of the time allotted show them everything you did for them and the number of times they said “Thank You”. Then see if they reached the percentage you both decided on before the contest. The contest will help them be more aware of saying “Thank You” as well as show them in writing how much you do for them.
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The telephone is a great tool for teaching children social skills. If you and your child both have the opportunity to pick up the phone, encourage your child to pick it up. When they do this emphasize the need to have a little friendly conversation before getting to the point of the call. Encourage them to ask how the other person is doing, for example, and then proceed with the conversation.
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When you’re stuck in a long line at the bank or grocery store, let your child know that adults have to remind themselves to be patient sometimes, too. Emphasize with his feelings, then lead by example: you feel like yelling and stamping your feet, but that wouldn’t be fair to everyone else nearby. Instead, distract yourself (and him) by asking how he copes with feelings of impatience.
- Make sure your kids learn about social skills from other sources as well. Doing so will validate and reinforce the knowledge and hands-on examples you provide. Use learning materials to provide an independent voice or third party perspective. It will encourage your kids to learn on their own, and help them to develop the social skills approach that works best for them.
At their core, teaching children social skills emphasizes
the importance of respecting the opinions and feelings of others. Kids
use social skills to help them feel good about who they are, more comfortable
about interacting with others, and to project themselves more confidently.
More than anything, parents want their kids to become adults who are as
successful and fulfilled in their interpersonal relationships as they
are in their careers. Given the essential social skills your kids need
to succeed at life, kids use them. In the process, they gain the confidence
to make new friends, try new things, resist negative peer pressure, and
handle challenges throughout childhood and beyond.
How BoostKids Can Help:
BoostKids is a program that can help increase a child’s confidence by teaching social skills to children and building their character. BoostKids has been and is currently being taught in schools, non-profit organizations, and after-school programs. The program is now available as an at-home training program for children and their parents. The key training tool of the BoostKids program is an interactive CD-ROM that shows kids the right-way and the wrong-way to handle social situations. They learn from real kid actors in real-life scenerios!
For more information about what’s included in BoostKids, click here.
ORDER NOW - Free 30-day Trial, click here.
By Charlie Copp, Director of Boost Kids
About the author: Charlie Copp is program
coordinator for BOOST KIDS, an interactive CD ROM-based program for kids
ages eight and up, that teaches, demonstrates, and reinforces the value
of applying people skills and strong character to everyday life. His
work with BOOST KIDS confirms what Copp has always believed: that kids
and teens are hungry for character-building life skills, and with them
gain the confidence needed to succeed in the classroom, on the playing
field, in their interpersonal relationships, and on the job.
