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Building Self Esteem and Confidence in
Children in Today's Society
Building self esteem and confidence in children is a task very close to the heart of every parent and in today’s society that task is becoming increasingly difficult. The expanding influence of Technology and the Media have become contributing factors to an atmosphere not as conducive for building self esteem and confidence in children at the same level as in years past. This results in young people lacking or under developing the confidence and self-assuredness they need to enter into social situations, exhibit the character necessary for overcoming challenges in life, and have a healthy self-esteem. All the gadgets, media messages, and societal pressures kids are receiving have only isolated or frustrated kids in new and counter productive ways. Below we will take a closer look at both of these societal changes and the affect they have on building self esteem and confidence in children today.
Technological Advances
 Technology in our modern society continues to advance by leaps and bounds. Everyday there seems to be a new and faster computer, ever growing multifaceted cell phones, increasingly realistic video games, and a centuries worth of music that fits into your pocket. For kids today these devices have become the center point of entertainment. The once coveted walk around the neighborhood, backyard Super Bowl, and after school social gathering has been replaced by hours of video games, music downloading, and surfing the net. A child today has the ability to entertain them selves for an entire evening or even weekend without having to socially interact with another kid.
The result is that kids are not developing the people skills needed to confidently function socially as much as in years past. This lack in confidence and exposure socially can be addressed by making people skills more of a priority. Come up with the basic people skills you feel are most important or seek out materials that cover these skills and review them with your child. It does not have to be in a formal session but could be something to mention in the car or at dinner. It is also important to encourage your child to initiate being more social such as having friends over or greeting people confidently when they see someone they know. For instance, whenever you are in a social encounter with a friend, co-worker, or anybody make sure to include your child in the interaction. This helps them gain valuable experience and gives them an opportunity to build their confidence socially. These measures might seem insignificant but they go a long way toward developing your child’s people skills, giving them the knowledge and experience they need to build their self-esteem and confidence.
Media Pressures
The Media is also a forum that has been advancing with great strength and has exhibited a high level of influence in our society. The concept of Media here refers to television, movies, the internet, magazines, newspapers, advertisements, and other forms of mass information. The impact these Media outlets can have on young people can be stifling and can complicate the process for parents in building self esteem and confidence in their children.
One specific example we will discuss is body image and the impact the Media can have on young people. Kids are constantly bombarded with images of tall, skinny, atypical models or actors on television, in the movies, in magazines, and in advertisements. They see this image portrayed as “cool” or “the only way to be”. Then, as we all do, young people will  compare them selves to these individuals. This process can make kids feel they must attain this “look” to gain acceptance in our society. In reality the percentage of people with these types of body characteristics are extremely low, yet kids feel pressure to look this way and when they are unable to attain this look it can negatively affect their self-esteem. This is why it is important to address these issues with young people and help them develop a less superficial set of criteria by which they see them selves. Look at various advertisements, for example, and discuss the image it is trying to portray. Explain to your child that most people do not look like models and it is more important to be a good person then to look a certain way. Help them build their self-esteem and confidence based on things they can control: how they treat others, accomplishing a task, being responsible, and having a good attitude. Emphasize these characteristics and other similar traits as unequivocally more important then the image the television, movies, and advertisements try to portray.
This is only one example of the pressure certain media outlets can have on our young people. Other themes in the Media, such as materialism, can also influence young people into thinking they need to base how they feel about themselves on certain clothes, shoes, cars, and other possessions. As we know as adults, these material things do not make up who we are as people. They will always fade away, get old, and be replaced. The same emphasis from body image is in important with addressing materialism as an insufficient mode for building self-esteem. Being a good person, respecting others, helping others, accomplishing tasks, being responsible, having a good attitude, and never quitting are the lasting characteristics that develop a positive self-esteem. These traits should be emphasized to contradict the materialistic messages young people are receiving from numerous media outlets. This emphasis will help parents in the process of building self esteem and confidence in their children.
In conclusion, the two societal factors we have discussed here are just a few of many that can under develop young people socially and put unhealthy pressure on them. Increased academic and athletic pressures could also be included in this area. As kids are becoming measured based exclusively on ambiguous test scores, wins and losses, and their physical appearance or are lacking in experience and confidence socially, it is time for a re-emphasis on the traits kids need for building the self-esteem and confidence necessary for life. Socially, help them focus on the importance of people skills and give them numerous opportunities of gaining this valuable experience. Have them pay for things at the grocery store or lead the conversation at the bank along with some of the suggestions we discussed earlier. This is a great way to build their confidence. With self-esteem, encourage young people to focus on the things they can control, as mentioned above. Also help them understand that the efforts they put into being a good person or doing well academically or athletically are not worthless if people do not respond positively to them or they do not get the grade or the win they wanted. Simply, through the process of being respectful, studying for a test, or training for an event young people are developing characteristics they can be proud of, it just needs to brought to their attention Societies criteria might not be met, but you can help them set a new criteria of giving full effort and being proud of the respectfulness, resilience, and perseverance they display each day. This approach will help parents in building self esteem and confidence in children even if they lost the game, got a “B” on a test, or do not look like the models in advertisements.
How BoostKids Can Help:
 BoostKids is a program that can help increase a child’s confidence by teaching social skills to children and building their character. BoostKids has been and is currently being taught in schools, non-profit organizations, and after-school programs. The program is now available as an at-home training program for children and their parents. The key training tool of the BoostKids program is an interactive CD-ROM that shows kids the right-way and the wrong-way to handle social situations. They learn from real kid actors in real-life scenerios!
For more information about what’s included in BoostKids, click here.
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By Charlie Copp - Executive Director of Boost Kids
About the author: Charlie Copp is the executive director for BOOST KIDS, an interactive CD ROM-based program for kids ages six and up, that teaching children social skills and strong character across the nation. His work with BOOST KIDS confirms what Copp has always believed: that kids and teens are hungry for character-building life skills, and with them gain the confidence needed to succeed in the classroom, on the playing field, in their interpersonal relationships, and on the job.
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