Become a Good Listener


Conversation is a Skill, Master It!

The key to effective communication is to become a good listener.   Mastering listening techniques is an important necessary to succeed in almost anything you do.  Unfortunately, very few people ever master the skill of becoming a good listener.

In today’s society, people spend so much time trying to “Out speak”, “One up”, and “Out do” each other that to become a good listener is almost a lost art.

The ability to become a good listener helps you in many ways including:

• Developing A Relationship

People are more comfortable when they feel the person they are speaking with is listening to them, rather than trying to talk over them.  Think of the people you like spending time with, don’t they listen to what you have to say?

• Ability To Get The Most Out Of A Situation

When you understand what the other person wants from you, it helps you understand how you can help them.  A friend may seek your help with a problem.  To help them you need to listen carefully so you can understand their problem and offer the best help or advice.

Active vs. Passive Listener
In order to master the art of becoming a good listener, you must learn to be an Active Listener, not a Passive Listener.  Being an Active Listener means that you are focused on understanding what the person is trying to communicate to you.  You are not just letting them talk but paying attention to what they are saying.  Being a Passive Listener is when you do not pay attention to what the other person is saying even though you appear to be listening.  Passive Listeners are not interested in understanding what the person is trying to communicate.  This is disrespectful to the person speaking and they will take notice of your passive listening.  Instead, respect the person speaking and be an Active Listener.  You will be able to understand what the person is communicating so you can properly respond.
Try to focus when you are listening and make sure you are doing the following:


Ask Questions
The first key to become a good listener is to ask questions.  This shows you are interested in what others have to say.  Asking questions will allow you to gather information to truly understand this person and how you may be able to help them.  You should try to ask “Open-Ended” questions.  These are questions that cannot be answered by a simple “Yes” or “No” and they get people to think.  Ask a question such as “What did that feel like?”,  “What are you going to do?”, or “How will you handle the situation?”.  An open-ended question really gets the person talking and provides you with more information to better understand what they are saying.


Become Interested In Others
You make more friends by being interested in others than by trying to make others interested in you.  Think about that.  You actually make closer relationships with people by asking questions about them than you do by trying to impress them with things that you have done.


Non-Verbal Communication
“Non-Verbal Communication” is providing information to someone without using words.  When listening to someone, look at their facial expressions and body language.  This will tell you how they feel about something.  Their words may be saying one thing but their body language or tone in their voice may be saying something else. It is important for you to show through your non-verbal communication that you are listening to someone and are receptive to what they have to say.  If you sit there with a stern look and a frown on your face or with your arms crossed, you are sending a message to the speaker that you are not receptive to what they have to say.


Do Not Interrupt
Never interrupt someone that is speaking.  It shows a lack of respect for them and what they have to say.  It will make them feel as if you are not listening or interested.  When you keep interrupting, a person’s natural tendency is to stop talking with you.


Make Eye Contact
As you learned earlier, make sure you look the person in the eye during your conversation. If you are looking all over the place, it will make the person feel as if you are not interested in what they have to say!


Empathize
Try to feel what the other person is feeling, particularly if they are upset.  Show them with words that you understand.  People appreciate others that understand how they feel about a situation.  Let them know you understand by saying things like:

• “That must have disappointed you”
• “That must have hurt your feelings when that happened”
• “You must have been so happy when that happened”
  

Be Patient With Poor Communicators
You may have friends or younger siblings that cannot express themselves well.  You need to be patient with them.  They will really appreciate your  patience especially if other people don’t show them the patience that is necessary for them to communicate their message.

We are all born with one mouth but two ears.  This tells us we should be listening twice as much as we are talking.  Listening and asking questions is a great way to become a confident individual.

Become a good listener! Talk less, listen more!